The crap I shall spew today.

This is where all the extraneous crap ends up.  When I've spent time on my other blogs and attempted to focus on specifics, what I'm left with is the need to just get stuff off my chest, even if it makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.  Aren't you glad you're here to witness that?

More than a few times lately I just wanted to distance myself from almost everyone.  I don't need fair-weather friends or relatives (kids, etc. excluded) because I'm sick of trying to edit what I think or say or feel or whatever---to ensure the comfort of someone else.  If you don't like what I have to say, if you don't agree with my beliefs or opinions, if you have nothing at all good to bring to the table, if you're intolerant and closed-minded then just don't come to the table.  It's not rocket science, I promise.

*sigh*

Just speak your mind, and if it's opposing views, just use respect and courtesy.  That's all.  Nothing fancy.  Respect and courtesy go a long way, especially with me.  It's okay if you don't agree with me, just be respectful when disagreeing.

Good grief what a day.  Some people simply suck at communication.

smh.

The Truth.

The world has gone mad.  Or more specifically, America has gone mad.  In all my life I've never seen such division, such bitter hatred on the left, such utter madness.  And it is madness.  I don't watch the news anymore because it's simply the most depressing thing ever, honestly.  We all know the media lies, stretches truth, etc., but recently trusting anything put out by the media is just buying into fiction.  And to that I say--open a book and read, because there's more truth in a Stephen King novel than there is on CNN, MSNBC, FOX, etc.  If you're going to waste time, might as well have fun, and there's nothing fun about what's going on in the media.  And worse, are those buying into the garbage.

Whatever happened to the truth?  What's happened to people that they're SO willing to except, embrace, and repeat lies that have been repeatedly debunked?  Rhetorical question, because we all know that people will ultimately believe what they want to believe and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.  Once sucked into the gaping black abyss of a lie--it takes a tremendous effort to find your way out.

As for me, I choose not to buy into the garbage.

But I'm sad to see how much hatred there is in our country, hatred born of the dirty side of government, of politics, and of greed.

I'm not sure at this point that any one thing or person or event could turn it around.  People are to blame for their own thoughts and actions.  They make the choices, and no one is twisting their arm.

It's just so tiresome.

We don't have to agree with one another to be civil.  We don't have to think alike or look alike to be civil.  We don't even have to like each other in order to respect one another.  All social graces, all levels or morality and decorum can be maintained under almost all circumstances if we make the choice to rise above it all and do the right thing.

I have no idea what the outcome of this election will be, nor do I even pretend to think that we're all going to end up changed by the end of it all.  We're already changed.  All we can do now is dig our heels in and hold our ground despite the odds.  I'm ready to do that, and I know a lot of others are as well.

We'll take things day by day like anyone else, but none of us are willing to be bullied by the 'powers that be' or radical domestic terrorist groups.

They can try like hell to stop us.  But here's the deal: We're not going anywhere.

Deal with it.

Facebook Should Change its Name to "MemeBook."

I've shared my opinion of Facebook before.  It's no secret that I find most of the so-called interaction there more than just a little shallow.  Now before you get upset, notice I said MOST.  I understand not everyone is a meme junky, and I do know some people who actually do post thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and even what's happening in their lives.  As for me, I honestly grow very bored of the constant stream of memes and re-shared videos and wish people would choose to be REAL there, rather than reactive.

I love animals--absolutely have a soft heart for them.  So when people share funny and cute animal pics and vids I'm all for it.  I also love it when my favorite rescue groups share info.  I don't mind the occasional recipe or news article.  It's not like I want Facebook to just be another Twitter.  But the reason I prefer Twitter to FB is because people actually talk to one another, share a lot more than just making announcements about nothing in particular.

Another thing that can sometimes be annoying is when people post a sea of memes and videos, then out of the blue go on a complete tirade about someone else, or even about themselves.  And hey, I have NO problem with people who go off about something when most of their posts are literally bits and pieces of their lives, their dreams, goals, rants, etc.  But when someone is a 'Memer' and suddenly blasts another person for sharing something real, or blasts another for just being real, I have a huge problem with that.  And once someone does this---it's on!

Look, I love memes... they're fun, and they can get a message across with a flare.  I LOVE memes, especially the funny and sarcastic/rude ones. ;p  But memes aren't my form of communication.  I actually have a mind and voice.  To me, if one is using only memes to communicate what they think, feel, believe, etc... it mostly just comes across like they're fluent in Ransom Note.  Seriously.  My choice is to avoid that if I can... to not communicate in that way.

To each his/her own.  It's okay if you like memes.  It's not my place to tell anyone what to do or not do.  I'm simply making a point about Facebook, because I've grown disenchanted with the site and what it inspires most people to do.  Well, bored is another word I could use to describe how I feel about FB these days.

If you like memes--meme away!  I like them, too, a lot.  But I try to keep in-check how much I rely on memes to actually communicate.  It just seems like common sense to me.

Now, one thing I would suggest is to research what memes are and where the word 'meme' comes from!  I've done this and found the results... very very interesting.  Oh, and memes just aren't little pictures with words on them.  I don't want to give anything away, so if you have time... look up the history and uses of memes.. and learn when they're NOT a good thing. ;)

A Required Miracle.

Finding the strength to not crawl back in bed and disappear each day is becoming more difficult.  Finding anything at all to keep me going each day has become tiresome, monotonous, and a waste of time.  Yes, I realize this is depression talking.  Yes, I know my 'reality' is skewed by depression right now.  Yes, I know I have to not give up.  But is 'giving in' the same thing as 'giving up'?  I'm thinking... no, that it's something very different.  Aside from a miracle where I'm instantly transformed, where my LIFE is transformed, I'm carried with the current of 'what is' and left without the required miracle to turn my current life into something else other than what it is--a disaster.

Yesterday I was pretty shut-down, and today is no better.  Even as I sit here I want SO much to just crawl back in my bed, cover up, and completely disappear.  But disappearing comes with a hefty price, and that price is guilt.  Guilt because I feel like I'm not doing enough as it is and going back to bed, even if I am sick... just feels wrong.  Yeah, I realize that guilt shouldn't be a part of taking care of oneself, but it often is just the same.

I really can't stand feeling like this.  You've NO idea.

I want to feel good, energetic, hopeful, and I want to love my life again.  But how?  How in the world can I actually love THIS?

Crap.  Crap.  Crap.

*sigh*

Random Thoughts at 3am: Why Do Potatoes Have to Be So Difficult?

No, this entry isn't REALLY about potatoes, though I do find them a tasty pain in the ass most of the time.  As random thoughts go, it would be nice if they would come with useful information.  Yep, that would be very nice.  But NOOOOOoooooo.  We can't have anything USEFUL show up out of the blue in our heads at 3am, now CAN we?  Ugh.

Many times I end up with insomnia due to FB drama.  In fact, I don't really spend all that much time on FB anymore because of one particular person, someone who is ALWAYS and UNENDINGLY (redundant, I know) on the opposite side of the fence when it comes to 99.5% of everything I think, talk about, post.  And he just can't seem to help himself and vomits about 10 comments to whatever it is I post about.  Now, to me, this just seems like a complete waste of time on his part.  If you don't agree with my point of view, beliefs, etc., then MOVE THE HELL ALONG, please and thank you!  Such a simple concept really---don't crap on someone's post just because you don't agree with them.

I don't mind NOT being on FB so much, actually.  It's been my experience that some people have very little self-control when it comes to FB drama.  Sometimes it's overt and in-your-face, which is what this one person does, and sometimes it's extremely passive-aggressive, which is really the worst kind of all but the easiest to ignore.  I've known this person and his wife for many years and frequent their place of business, so it's not like I can tell him to piss off or just block him.  It's a bit more complicated than that.  What I have been doing is completely ignoring his comments.  Yeah, I'm sure he's smug and feeling all proud of himself for 'having the last word,' but that's because he doesn't realize he's being ignored. lol  Kind of funny when you think about it.

In order to keep the stress and anxiety down I spend very little time on FB, as I've said.  I do have to go there because I'm an admin/mod on one of my son's groups.  Other than that the have-to visits to FB I've also taken to posting there---just to needle Mr. Negativity. lol  What I post is still relevant, and what I post are things I would post anyway, but honestly.... it's just a bonus that it needles Mr. Man enough to make him freak out. ;p  Some people are just too easy.

A better hang-out for me is Twitter.  Memes are few and far between and used for emphasis to their topic or statement.  Seems these days, on FB anyway, that memes just get splattered all over the page, replacing any actual thought or discussion.  Memes and videos.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad if people would SAY something other than "lol" or "lmao" in relation to the meme or video they post.  But as it currently stands... it just looks like very few people on FB have much to say.  At least on Twitter you learn quickly to make your post/tweet information-dense and on-point.  A lot seems to get said with very few words, and I have NO complaints about that.

I'm all spewed out at the moment... laters, taters! ;p

A Big Day for US(A) and Donald Trump supporters

I want to start by saying I feel really bad for Cruz supporters.  They want so much to believe in him, that he's honest and forthright... and in the face of overwhelming evidence proving he's neither, they cling tightly to their illusions/delusions.

I'm imagining by now you guys realize my choice of presidential candidates is Donald Trump.  I've made it no secret, and I stand by my choice.  So having heard that there's a major announcement today, said to happen during his 3rd speaking engagement today, the rally this evening.  A lot of us have speculated as to what it could be, but that's all it is.. speculation.  Well, the suspense is killing me, I have to admit.

One of the theories is that Sarah Palin will be announcing her support of DT.  Well, I will be perfectly honest about this---at first, AT FIRST... I really couldn't stand Sarah Palin.  Her running with McCain previously didn't shed her in the best light... at least not to me.  She, I'm assuming, parroted what she was supposed to say, etc., etc., etc... according to the McCain advisors, managers, etc.  But one of the biggest things that turned me off about her was her advocating the killing of wolves, killing the mothers and pups, and calling it okay, necessary, even needed.  I disagreed then, and I disagree NOW.  Having said that, I'm trying really hard here to give her a second chance.  She has no idea what that's taking for me to do this.

So without knowing what this big announcement is, I'm steeling myself for the possibility that rumors are right, that Sarah Palin will be endorsing Trump.  Some are even calling, I will add, for a Trump/Palin ticket.  I'm not sure I"m on board with that, but the jury is still out.  I'm keeping an open mind here and just waiting FIRST to hear what the announcement is before deciding how I feel about this whole Sarah Palin thing.

Haters.  They're everywhere, right?  And more so when it comes to election times.  The attacks on candidates and their supporters can be quite vicious.  Seems ridiculous, really, but it's the way it is.  I can handle haters and basically laugh them off, block them, or otherwise ignore most of their rhetoric.  It's really a good idea to move along and past the garbage in order to keep one's focus on the big picture.

So what is the big picture?  Basically it boils down to two very important components---we either have more of Obama's policies being carried out in the WH (Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton), or we have someone who is completely independent of super pacs and anyone at all who may have paid enough money to a candidate to have control.  And trust me, big money from donors means control.

Most of us are sick of the controlling politicians, the owns owned by their donors, the ones who lie and hate and use bashing and mudslinging, more than showing any of us what they can do for the country to make it better.  Ted Cruz=bought and owned by super pacs, caught in lies time and time again.  Bernie Sanders=socialist and 'crazy grandpa.'  Hillary Clinton=CRIMINAL.  Rubio=really too young and soft to be an effective POTUS.  And trust me, those are just the highlights and by no means is it a complete list.

I don't have to explain my choices, because I live in a country that, despite Obama's attempts, I can still voice my opinion, HAVE an opinion, and exercise my right to choose who I vote for.

I've made my choice, and now I'm excited about what this big announcement is that's coming tonight.  I'll be watching the live streaming, as I usually do, and... well, we'll see what happens.

The Dangers of Being Honest

Honesty has become a vulnerability.  People who speak their minds honesty are often faced with ridicule and contempt by those who have opposing views. I believe most of us get this and have experienced that ridicule first-hand.  While a valuable lesson, that ridicule and backlash, while it reminds us how we should choose our words carefully, we must always remember that honesty is STILL the best policy, and that lying by omission... is STILL lying.

A friend who reads all my blogs, and I mean every entry (bless her heart), sent me a message and said, "I don't know how you do it. Aren't you scared of haters bashing you?"  Well, no.. I'm not.  I refuse to allow haters and bullies to dictate how I think, behave, react or don't react to any given situation.  I mean, once you give away your power it's really hard to get it back.  It's best not to give your power to another to begin with.

I've relinquished my power to haters and bullies in my past.  My entire life, up until about 3 years ago, I learned to suppress my feelings, to bury anger deep, to hide the foundations of any feelings I had.  Not to say I wasn't emotional, because BOY was I ever.  I wore my emotions on my sleeve for the entire world to see.  But when it came down to recognizing for more than a second what created those emotions, and when it came down to standing up for myself, that's where everything fell apart, and it did so because I was taught early on that having those emotions.. was a bad thing.

I no longer think that, and because I no longer think that I FEEL more intensely those emotions I used to keep in check to the point of denial.  It's been a liberating process, being able to access feelings like that.  I don't have to apologize to anyone for having those feelings, and I reserve apologies now for when I HANDLE those feelings badly; thankfully this is seldom an issue.  So when someone writes me and is worried because I allowed the emotions and thoughts etc to flow freely on the pages here, or in my other blogs, I DO take into consideration what they're saying, but I also take into consideration that I've come a very long way to not only reach my feelings and access them more fully than before, but that it's MORE than OKAY to express them.

There is a danger to being honest.  There's a danger in speaking freely at times.  There's a risk that you won't please one person or another person, etc.  Not everyone is going to like what I'm saying.  But so what?  There will be those who DO, and it's with those people that the unspoken camaraderie is expressed and felt.  What I say, what I express, actually has helped people, and it's certainly helped me.  So I've no intention of changing this, just so everyone here is clear on where I stand.

I will accept the dangers of honesty and continue to be honest, sometimes bluntly, and I will take into consideration the edges honesty has by definition.  I'm not out to hurt anyone, and this is why I name NO names here as to whom I'm speaking about.. IF I'm speaking about someone else.  It occurs to me that having to say this means I'm still aware, very aware, of the risks I take.  But it doesn't matter.. I'm not here to write fiction or make things look better or worse than they actually are.

I'm going to be myself, haters and bullies be-damned.  No one should give up pieces of themselves for others to devour, and that's exactly what you do when you censor your words, thoughts, and feelings in a place or forum where you're there to speak your mind.  People can choose to read or not read, listen or not listen.  Actions are a choice.

So to my friend, though we've spoken about this at length--I hear you.  And I'm okay.  I'm okay with what any hater or bully thinks about me, because I don't answer to them.  And.. you shouldn't either.

It Begins the Same Every Day

....And it ends pretty much the same way.  Predictability to this degree is less than optimal for a full life.  Maybe that sounds a bit over-the-top, but it's the truth just the same.  And let's be clear here, I'm not speaking of the predictability that's needed in most important circumstances, but the kind that you recognize and expect because of history.  If you have a predictable outcome, what's the incentive to do anything any differently?

My attempts to affect change have fallen short of anything I would ever dare call success.  When problems or difficulty arises and the outcome is always the same, redirecting my approach to the issue just makes perfect sense.  Let's try something different; this is what I tell myself, and it's what I do, and somehow it still seems to make little to no difference whatsoever.  So then, what's the solution?

Maybe it's time I implement a little indifference myself, invoke the goddess ignora as it were and use my resources, whatever they may be at the time, to implement the change I want in my life.  Yeah, sure.. I know that sounds like the better place to have started, but there's this little thing called 'communication' that always seems to get in the way.

Will it FEEL different if I do something new?

Has it to-date, you know, FELT different?  No.  Not really.  And why would it matter what something FEELS like?  Because FEELING is everything.  FEELING is what stops us, encourages us, demands, suggests, and invokes an action or reaction to any inner or outside stimulus.  Get your mind out of the gutter. ;)  In all seriousness, unless you're a complete sociopath who feels nothing at all, this should make sense.

Okay, so what is it I FEEL then?  Anxiety.  Mild anger.  Disappointment.  Bewilderment, and... wait.  Is this what I'm really referring to when I say FEELING?  Maybe not, because that list is really more the EFFECTS of those feelings than the actual feelings themselves.  Well damn... that just got complicated, didn't it?

So what I'm basically dealing with here is changing MY behavior and the way I look at things so as not to have to constantly fight for what's right, or to be heard, or to even be respected.  Respect will still be a HUGE deal for me, of course, because that's part of what and who I am.  But I'm not going to allow disrespect to alter how I FEEL---as just one example.

I realized last night that I'm still in that place where I allow my health and my body to be torn down by the treatment of another towards me.  I can't keep doing that if I want to heal, to be healthy.  I just cannot allow that to continue.

The next step is... to break free of those chains that bind me, the ones I was shackled with as a child, carried into adulthood, and allowed to be manipulated by someone I'm with.

....I've got the 'what,' and now I need the 'how.'  That's at least something.

For those who've left comments here.... THANK YOU!

So it seems comment notifications haven't been working in a VERY long time, so if you've left comments and I didn't reply please know it's because I didn't realize anyone had left any.  Blogger seems to have fixed this.. for now.

I appreciate everyone's feedback, more than I can find words to describe really.  I guess, with the exception of those I know 'in person,' or those who contact me via social networking or email, etc., I often wonder if I'm just shouting or whispering into the wind here.

It was my hope that sharing my own experiences would help others, or make people laugh, or think... well, then it's all well worth it, especially with regards to "This Free Spirit," which was created to help work my way to a healing place post-abuse and hoping to help others along the way know they're not alone.

So again, if you've left comments on any of the entries on any of the blogs and I haven't respond.. I will.  And hopefully Blogger's notification system re comments will continue to work!

Blessings and thanks to all of you...

Premature Wad-Blowing on Simon's Part. At least he apologized!

You know, it's a little representative what Simon did.  Liberals have taken up the Simon mentality and have become the world's critics.  Claiming 'tolerance' they ejaculate their hate upon anyone, anywhere, and for the dumbest reasons.  Screw 'em.  Haters suck.  Maybe they need a little blue pill for their personality problems, because from where I'm sitting.. they all look flaccid, impotent, and bitter.

If you've wandered here FIRST...

You may not know that I have other blogs.  Look on the menu bar on the right and you'll find the links.  Blogs are created and organized (for lack of a better word) for content.  I tried, really tried to put everything in ONE place.  OMG, what a freaking mess that was.  So organization was the only way to maintain something that remotely appeared as, well, 'sanity.'  Sanity is overrated, btw.

Anyway, there's going to be a few random entries here and there today as I get my bearings and prepare to spew away. *snort*  I know where I'm going with this, and I'm prepared... are you? ;p

In the meantime, if you're curious, you can read the other blogs.

Yeah... this is going to take a minute....