Hello?

Disclaimer: In any of my blogs, especially this one, I'm not always going to post things that resonate with everyone.  Kind of a 'duh' statement, but I feel it needs to be said anyway.  Nothing I write here is meant to be everyone's truth---it's just MY truth.  I don't expect anyone to agree with me and feel the world is a far more interesting place because people have their own views, likes, dislikes, tastes, opinions, etc.  This blog was created for those times when I have to work through things that aren't making much sense to me.  I'm just allowing myself to let it 'all hang out' in order to find my way through the muddle in hopes that, in the end, I'll find some clarity and help others along the way.

FIRSTLY, do realize my sense of humor can be odd, eccentric, strange, and a little 'smart-assy' at times.  ;)

Okay, getting on with it then...

As the waiting game continues with my health insurance company, I'm left wondering if this other health problem will ever be addressed.  At what point to I give up, or at what point does push come to shove?  Either way, my hands are tied because the ultimate authority here is the insurance company themselves, and the only answer they seem to have is 'no.'  But that's NOT what this entry is about...

Across the board, all the actions, reactions, inactions, and infractions are a complex and chaotic mess of being on a corticosteroid and trying to live with the side effects, while simultaneously dealing with life's everyday nuisances.  Who does this make me these days?

I'm still me, always will be me, and I'm not apologizing for that.  Yet I still find the need to assess what I'm doing from day to day just the same, because keeping tabs on my thoughts and behavior is key to keeping some semblance of peace in my situation at the moment.  Do I handle things well right now, the stressors, the anxiety, the depression?  Nope!  But then, this entry isn't about that either...

So what the hell is my point?  Okay, I'll be blunt here---the point is that my tolerance for difficult people has waned considerably under the weight of all that is 'my life' right now.  I mean, yes.. I do have some tolerance, but it's not to the self-damaging degree that it once was in the past.  I mean, if I didn't LEARN something from my past experiences then I'm in BIG BIG trouble.  Thankfully, I'll be okay in that respect, because I consider that the lessons learned had and have an enormous impact on me.

Remember my mentioning that I need to turn my focus on healing?  That message has been quite a common theme in most of the entries lately, though I've refrained from telling details--again; so sorry about that.  Either way, in many respects I'm doing both you AND me a favor by NOT going to in-depth here all of the time.  Still, a part of me says I should.  What do I do with that information?

I need to turn things around.  My thinking, my approach, all of it has to work together in order to affect change.  It takes work, people.  WORK.  If you think you've found an easy way to affect change, my guess is that disappointment is over the horizon, the same horizon where you see the silver lining and believe it's just 'there' and ready to be stepped into.  Using that analogy, think about this: At what point does anyone ever reach the horizon?  No one does, nor does anyone walk right into a rainbow.  The closer you think you get, the further away it seems.

It really does take work to affect change.

Okay, so if you're thinking I sound negative right now, well.. maybe that's true.  I guess the realist in me is chomping at the bit to face things head-on, as unappealing as it may be.  If things aren't perfect or pretty or wonderful or amazing, then they're not.  Identifying and acknowledging WHAT IS gives you the tools to bring about WHAT YOU WANT.  If you don't know the house is on fire, you can't put that fire out.  Seriously.

For the record... I haven't EVEN begun to address what needs addressing... yeah, and this is the reason this blog has the title it does. ;p

Carry on...