Raisins Are Just Grapes That Have Lost Their Will To Live.

Why be a raisin when you can be a grape?  Seriously, the answer's pretty obvious.  Have you ever seen a grape WILLINGLY become a raisin?  EXACTLY!  That freaking grape is going to fight like hell to maintain the status-quo.  You can bet your life on it.

So wtf is that supposed to mean? you ask?....

Absolutely nothing, honey.  Absolutely nothing.

Look, I think it's pretty obvious that all of us have different ways of dealing with bad things that come into our lives.  No reason to be specific, because one person's 'bad thing' is another's 'rush.'  No really, I mean that with the utmost sincerity.  Ever heard of the phrase "The risk is the rush?" Well, many people actually LIVE their lives by that and take every single challenge and turn it into a gladiator tournament of which they very well intend to come out the victor!  I'm just not one of those people.

Hey, I'm honest!  And these days I'm hardly a gladiator.

When things are overwhelming, or if I'm irritated and fed up, well... I indulge in whatever it is I can find to make me laugh.  What else is there other than laughing when things totally suck?  Exactly! So today, that's kind of what I'm heading for.... it is what it is.

On one hand I could be doing something more productive and worthwhile, but not he other hand---Why? ;p Yeah, I do have days like that, trust me.  If I feel down or depressed I can at the very least summon my messed up sense of humor to turn things around.  It doesn't ALWAYS work, but I at least have to try.

Now I will say that when I bother EXPRESSING this, er, sense of humor of mine it's not always so well-received.  I can totally live with that, btw. ;-)  And if I end up offending someone along the way, well, I can't always help that.  People can choose to have a sense of humor, choose to keep going and not read what I post (here or anywhere), or let it all hang out and laugh with me.  Either way, it's not going to change how I approach a difficult day.  If it helps, I'm going to do it.  And yes, yes, yes... I do take others' feelings into consideration.  But seriously... life is just too damn short to take yourself so seriously all of the time.

Live it up, laugh it up, and make the best out of a sometimes shitty situation!

Smells Like BS.

If you've read my other blogs you can probably see me struggling to maintain emotional homeostasis.    I've only just decided to admit, again, that I'm depressed.  I'm not talking about the kind of depression that makes it so you can't function AT ALL, but the kind that knocks you on your ass as you wake up every day and try again and keep going, despite the obstacles.  I wake up and have one absolute goal, and that's to Persefuckingvere!  I mean, what else is there at this point?

I don't need people telling me everything's fine, I'll be okay, they 'understand' (when they absolutely don't).  I don't need canned platitudes and niceties, nor do I need anyone's silence either.  In fact, the silence is probably the greatest unkindness of all.  Wouldn't you agree?  I mean, silence is preferable than the standard BS people love to dish out, but it's harmful in its own way, believe me.

Social networking is fraught with a filtered indifference and disconnection of people, of humanity.  Why say a kind or supportive or compassionate word when you can just find the right meme... or say nothing at all while posting 30 more cat pictures?  Hey, I LOVE animals, have taken in rescues (my basset hound and last living ferret are rescues), but I still know how to maintain my human connections while still loving animals.  But something happens to people when they try to 'connect' through social media; we all see it, feel it, experience it on a daily basis on Facebook, and to a lesser degree on Twitter.

I've deactivated my original FB account a couple of years ago over relationship drama.  And I've since RE-activated that profile but haven't gone in to clean house in order to begin using it again.  I really need to do that, because it's going to be a lot like moving into a better neighborhood when I do.  WHY I ever allowed myself to be bullied to the extent of deactivating my FB account and creating another... isn't completely lost on me, though I wish I had stood my ground at the time.  Oh well.  That was then, this is now, and it's time.

In no way am I looking for 'meaningful connections' on Facebook, and here's why:

Experience has taught me that even the people you know IRL often fall prey to the disconnected mindset that comes with relying too much on social media networks to maintain a friendship or any kind of relationship.  Nowhere else is it more apparent who your friends REALLY are than in the realm of social media.  People don't have your back, ignore important posts and miss pretty much anything in your life that's going on that you find the courage to share.  For some, the drama postings are proliferate as they either rant and rave about someone or some situation, or they take the passive/aggressive approach with cryptic messages and memes.  I call BS on anyone who does this.

Either grow a pair and face me with what you have to say OR STHU already.

And people will post their cryptic messages knowing their 'supporters' will descend to comment and commiserate.  Boy, have I seen this in action before, and it's the main reason I deactivated my original FB account.  It was nauseating to see grown adults behaving like Jr. High school kids.  I was done with the drama, sick of the BS, and was finding myself with waning trust, respect, and love for the person who was doing this.  Even I can take only so much for so long.

Just hoping I will have the strength and energy today to update and 'move in' to my old profile again.

Dealing With Whiners.

Yep, when it's election time, God forbid you should EVER post your views on squishy social network sites like Facebook.  While I know FB has it's place in people's lives, it's become one of those places where people literally turn into robots who post and repost while not really interacting with others or sharing any of their true thoughts or feelings, etc.  People are intimidated by their own feed.  Go figure.

Luckily, FB has an 'un-follow' option.  Though sadly, few people take advantage of this.  For me, I don't really feel the need to unfollow someone if I don't like their posts.  If things are really that bad and annoying.. a good healthy block does the trick nicely.  I guess this is a rarity as well since I possess the ability to scroll past those posts I don't care for.  Yes, there are exceptions, such as passive-aggressive posts aimed at you personally, the kind that makes you wonder why that person can't just have the cojones to block or unfollow.  I'll never understand that whole passive/aggressive thing, to tell you the truth.  It really just looks like a coward's way out.

So I've decided to try something a little different...

When I post anything political, I follow it with a phrase: "Oh, for those who don't like political posts.." and end that phrase with something entirely unimportant, nonsensical, and dull.  When the time comes where someone asks exactly WHY I'm doing that, I will simply tell them it's for people who can't handle anything more than the endless river of memes and selfies and pointless posts about what they ate or their workout routine or new haircut...posts that really say nothing at all, mean nothing at all.  And it's true.  I like the cute animal videos as much as anyone, but if you never have anything real to say at all... what's the point?  To each his/her own, which really IS the point.

You have no idea how many times I scroll endlessly through my feed to find something of substance, something that connects me in some way, ANY way to the person who's posting.  I've found my time on FB has dwindled and mostly from sheer boredom.

Yesterday was the last straw.  I can't stand shallow and pedantic.  And yes, those can co-exist at exactly the same time, and when they do.. it's not in the least amusing.

This is my rant for today.  Do know that if you post selfies and pics of what you ate or any of the things I listed above--that doesn't mean I think it's stupid or irritating.  I post vids and pics and memes etc as well.  Understand that the real irritating part is when that's ALL that's EVER posted IN ADDITION to whining and complaining about others who post something real.. because you're forced to either scroll past or deal with the butthurt you feel when my views differ from your own.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T changes everything.  Respect when a person posts something.  Stop taking things personally when it's not about you---Not everything is about YOU.  And stop posting on the things you don't like while NOT posting on the things you do.  And yes, I know when you like something (duh!), especially when you hit the "Like" button and repost!

The above isn't aimed at anyone in particular, but if you're feelings are stinging about now.. you actually may be one of the guilty.  Just saying...  Give it some thought and look at it from my side.  You just may see yourself differently when you do.

That Deleted Post

Okay, as you long-time readers/friends know, I often delete posts.  The last one is a bit too sensitive, so I decided to delete it until I learn more.  Yes, it's health-related, but I don't know anything about what it actually MEANS right now.  Best thing, imho, is to just let it be until I have a better understanding about what I'm dealing with.

If you read the entry before I deleted it, then you know what I'm talking about.  Given that, once I learn more I'll update.

Sheesh.

I really need a nap.  Seriously.  Life just has to get easier than this crazy rollercoaster I'm on at the moment.

OMG WW, WTF?

So if you saw my post in my "Boo's Juicy Bits" blog, you have a pretty good idea about where on the scale of frustration my meter's stuck at today.  Really.  As captivating as anxiety and stress is, I think I'll pass on that juicy bit today, thanks.  But dammit, the price is just too high, thanks to Weight Watchers and their constantly-changing diet plan--that used to NOT be like a 'diet' at all!  OMG, WW, WTF?!

I'm stepping past that for a moment in an attempt to get my bearings on things.  I'm working against prednisone weight gain here, and dammit if I don't have to PAY WW to be on a plan that makes little sense these days.  Crap, there I go again.  Enough of the WW talk---what do I do now?

Dang, but I'm tired of that question.

Okay, so is it not apparent that the question never changes from day to day?  Of course it is.  And every evening I go to bed convinced that tomorrow I'll approach things very differently, focus on something different in order to find solutions.  And then every morning I wake up to the same feeling of...

FKThisStupidDayandOMGEverythingSucksAndEveryoneSTFUAlreadyOMG!

Now that I have THAT out of my system...

All I want is to feel better, like a normal, healthy human being, to be able to do what I need to do, to work, to thrive, to survive.  Except, that last part is in opposition to all the other things, like working and junk.  I have to take these serious medications in order to survive, and yet I feel like I'm doing anything BUT that.  WTFAS??

Battling the prednisone bulge, water retention that I SWEAR could sink an intact Titanic, cravings that are absolutely out of this world, and the muscle weakness that absolutely refuses to abate; how's that for a fun time?

Over the last several days I'm dealing with the weakness that makes my arms and legs shake, that feels a whole lot like my blood sugar is crashing--though I know it's not.  My labs, my BG, was great last checked, so I doubt very seriously this shaking is from that.  So what then?  Myositis?  Okay, okay, okay... I did say I was going to focus on something else.  Guess I should do that--find a youtube video or something, anything, anything at all that will inspire me.  Hope.  Ideas.  Possibility.  Even if it's simply learning more about what I am dealing with, and also what other thing (Myositis) I could be dealing with....

Seriously.

WTH?

The Sound of What's Within

Because I Can.

It's inevitable, isn't it?  Social networking is like trying to have a picnic beneath a buzzing hornets nest.  We know the situation is precarious, especially when so many have now succumbed to chronic butt-hurt, and yet we persevere, post to our little heart's content, and laugh at the wrath some things inspire from unstable people.  We try to understand, and some will try to edit what they post in order to 'keep down the drama.'  Thing is, the drama is on their side, not ours.  I mean, getting bent out of shape over what someone posts is a lot like being offended by the furniture in your neighbor's house... and saying so.  It's rude, and it's inappropriate.

So why do people do it if it's just going to stir up trouble?  Well, the answer to the question is in the question itself.  Some people are addicted to drama, and you can spot them readily because they'll be the ones complaining constantly, and in their passive/aggressive manner, about everyone else's "drama."  I know you guys have seen this.

I'm always a little amazed, watching them melt-down, lose control, judge others for speaking their minds, all the while trying desperately trying to blur the line between 'victim' and 'bully.'  Know the type I'm talking about?  These are the people who will call you an idiot while claiming they're above such behavior.

It's perplexing.

Here's the thing: Social networking doesn't come with a carte blanche card to attack other people's views, etc.  You have a choice to keep going if you see a post you don't like, and most stable, intelligent people will do just that.  And yes, there are exceptions, such as someone outright attacking, bullying, posting personal or sensitive information about you, etc.  I mean, by all means.. call them out on it if they do that, and be sure to block their sorry asses when you're done.  Nobody likes a bully.

Now, you also have to practice what you preach.  I choose not to comment if I don't like something, and I refrain when possible the urge to behave in passive/aggressive ways.

I personally don't believe we should censor our speech just to make other people more comfortable.  DO know that I'm NOT including bullying in this, because that will NEVER be okay.  Not ever.  But outside of bullying, we can say what we want, given it's within keeping with said SN TOS.

My personal experience in this current political climate has been that the chronically butt-hurt come out in force when I post something that isn't in keeping with their own views.  One person in particular has taken to some very nasty commenting on posts he doesn't agree with, and often it's simply posts in support of who my chosen presidential candidate is.  Now why would anyone have to vomit nastiness on a positive post?  Who knows?  Who cares?  My posts on my page aren't open to bullying and nastiness.  I will either delete your posts or block you.  Enough is enough.  For the record, I've not yet blocked this other person, but that could change quickly after today's nastiness.

When has free speech turned into 'free to bully'?  I don't have the answer to this question either, but maybe it's more a rhetorical reference than anything else.  Either way, some people really don't understand how stubborn I can be when it comes to another trying to control what I do, how I think, how I feel, and so on.  Yeah, I can assure you.. you really don't want to poke the bear like that.

Bullying doesn't work on me, and you'll find quite the opposite response than what you hope for.  But then, I think these types of drama queens actually WANT the drama, which is why they spend SO much time tossing insults.  Why else would they do it if that's the only payoff?

So today this person went on a rant, tossing in character assassination remarks and such, and quite a few at that.  But the main complaint is that he didn't want to see political posts and actually stated that if you're posting more than 2-3 per day that your friends are "Fucking sick of you."  Well, what he thinks was a clever cut down and shaming tactic I see only as a challenge, and one I accepted right off.  Today is going to be a day when the political posts will continue.. all.. day.. long.

I don't give in to bullies, who are really just cowards anyway.  My page, my posts, and anyone who doesn't like it can click the 'unfollow' or 'unfriend' button!  You can't bully me.  You can't censor me.  And you can't control me.

Challenge me, and you may be surprised at my response.  And remember, you can't un-ring that bell.

I also practice what I preach: if I see a post I don't like... I move on.  Having the restraint to NOT react is empowering, because when you do as that other person did today you show weakness, an inability to control your own emotions and behavior.  Why would anyone willingly do that?  There are venues outside of social media to air your grievances if needed.  Hell, I have blogs where I can speak my mind and get things off my chest WITHOUT drawing attention to the person I may be talking about.  Having been at the receiving end of abuse and character assassination I choose to refrain from going down that road if possible.  But I assure you, I'm NOT afraid to stand up for myself; that's a completely different thing altogether anyway.

As they say... haters gonna hate. ;p