What happens when your GiveAShitter breaks.

I'm going to put some pretty flowers here to spruce up the dungheap known as my life.  It's okay, I promise it's not the kind of dungheap that smells bad (so you're safe there), but it is the kind of dungheap that makes the stinky one.... far far more appealing.  Trust me on this.

The waiting is ridiculously long, tedious, and stressful.  Waiting for your life to begin, or worse, waiting for people to get out of you way so you can LIVE your life is one of the longest waits ever.  It's definitely not something I enjoy and IS definitely something I try to avoid when possible.  I just don't get why people refuse to make their own lives their business and stay out of mine.  Honestly, I'm only speaking about one person right now, and the one person who has the most freaking control over my life at that.  There has to be a way to break through this.  There HAS to be.

I'm not happy.  Doesn't require a degree in rocket science to see this either.  As my health declined, as sleep became an unpleasant endeavor, as everything about my physical health hit bottom... so did my emotional health.  Who the hell can be happy in the midst of turmoil brought in, created and cultivated by ONE individual?  I have no control over what others do, and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with their control issues.  T has some serious control issues and it clashes heavily with my need for a vital, vibrant LIFE.  I'm fighting for what is good and healthy for me, while he fights directly against it.

The worst of the health issues I'm dealing with now is going to take about a YEAR to fix.  A YEAR.  Think about that for a moment.  I have to hold on, maintain until that year (which comes with stress as I've been warned) is complete and I'm on the other side of this problem.  Most people who have to deal with something, health wise, that takes so long to recover from or get to or complete treatment, etc.... have a support network helping them along the way.  Not me.  I'm stuck with someone who vacillates between abject indifference.... or complete and total opposition.  I'm doing this for my health, my life, my well-being, so why the hell would T do that?  I've no idea... but I did find out a few years back that I'm not the asshole whisperer.

So sick of fighting daily for my health, well-being....