A brief update...

Just because...

Part II: Generally speaking....

Or not so generally speaking.  Whatevs....

Part I: Generally speaking..

NOTE:  So there were some issues with the audio quality, music in the background too loud... anyway, I will replace the original with one that is easier to hear.

Well, this...

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I find it increasingly more difficult to deal with... difficult people.  I don't mean that everyone has to agree with me, because that's freaking boring as hell.  No, by 'difficult' I mean... I'm sick of certain people in my life (not my kids) telling me what and who I am, how I should act, behave, etc.  Oh wait, no.. that's not what I mean at all.  Yeah, I'm being sarcastic.  The truth is, the most difficult people are the ones who, while you're talking to them, are having a completely different conversation than you.  There really is nothing that will kill a conversation faster, imho.

While I'm not going to go on about this, I have to say that I've found I'm no longer tolerant of people who dismiss me so completely that they no longer hear me when I talk to them.  I swear, if I have to say "I've NO idea what you're talking about" I'm going to scream.

Ugh.

Seriously.

WTF.

Part II: Christmas, and the ghosts of relationships past.

...as promised.

PART I: Christmas, and the ghosts of relationships past.

Self-explanatory, yes?

PART III: Malignant Narcissists, Revisited.

By request.... PART III.  And Julia, I will post the video to the song at the end of this...

PART II: Malignant Narcissists, Revisited.

By request.... PART II.  Part III is next.

PART I: Malignant Narcissists, Revisited.

This is part one of two.  Part two will be done and uploaded tomorrow....

Thanksgiving Eve...

Well, anyway.....

Too soon?

Naaaaaahhh..... not for me.

Creative chaos.

I'm way behind uploading these, so please bear with me...

Halloween passed, past... but not forgotten.

Well, yeah, it's been a rough couple of days in which I got way behind.  While this audio blog entry was supposed to go up BEFORE Halloween, obviously... it didn't make it.  Even so, loving this holiday as much as I do, I couldn't just let the effort go to waste.

Boo.

I feel like I'm on days delays...

Okay, so I'm really late in getting these uploaded.  What can I say, except that life has be freaking hell and I'm juggling a LOT at this time.  Anyway, you'll find THIS is, well, what it is, and the next one to follow will also be behind.... because it's about Halloween.  *sigh*  Yeah, things are THAT chaotic right now.  At any rate, late or not, I still feel compelled to talk about my favorite time of year, my favorite holiday of all.. Halloween.  But THAT will be the next audio blog.  As for this one, it's basically where I was about a week ago before I discovered that I DID have a way around the Weight Watchers conundrum... You'll see.  Just listen to this, if you're compelled to do so, then you'll see what I talk about tomorrow (Nov 2, 2016).  For tonight I'm playing catch up with TWO audio blogs.

Sorry about that.  Life.. what can I say?

Better late than never, right?

For those of you who said you preferred the audio blog entries.  Was done a couple of days ago, so I will try to make another one sometime Thursday when I have free time. :)

Still staying tuned?????

I'm going to attempt a written blog entry as I wait for an upload to youtube of an audio entry.  The entry itself is a couple of days old, so.. where I'm at right now isn't completely different, just more intense (if you will).  So much for changing the dialogue in my life.  The scenery is fine, so you know.

It wasn't a particularly bad day, and it wasn't the greatest day either.  My motivation continues to lag behind the wants of the will, spirit, and what I perceive in my mind's eye is nothing like the reality that surrounds me every waking minute.  Be that as it may, it doesn't mean I don't try and affect change, and even a little of that is welcome right now.  Still, I went from a relatively good place to being slapped back down the rabbit hole where all the dark things are.

Notice how much easier it is for me to talk about things when I'm not speaking?

It's still a trust issue, of that I'm aware.  And who knows just how long I will regain enough trust in the world and people to be able to just talk openly about anything and everything... with my own voice?  I guess my job right now is to just keep trying.

To those of you who wrote or called to beg me to keep doing audio entries, what I can say to that right now is.. I'll see.  All I can do is one step at a time, one day at a time, one life event at a time.  I understand to some degree (because you have pointed this out) that these entries are far more intimate and 'real' when you HEAR them.  Okay.  I can't promise audio entries 100% of the time, but I will promise to do what I can as time and energy allows.  Deal? ;)

Even so, tonight took an abrupt change when I had to remind T that I have to make a deposit in my account.  Long story short, I was met with a response filled with complaining, whining, insinuations, and more.  Well, good grief... sorry that I'm too sick to work right now, and sorry that the cards that have balances on them have those balances because of purchases made for THIS HOUSE.  Oh my God, but I'm really so tired of the dialogue.

I pray every night for healing, for energy, for an abundance of good health, and the ability to take my life into my own hands again, to remove the power he has over my life.  Oh, but how things will be different when I'm back on my feet again.  He's gotten far too comfortable with the control thing.

He does this nearly every night, making sure that I'm stressed, anxious, wide awake and unable to sleep.  And this is usually a given on the nights before we have to wake up at O'dark thirty the next morning.  I've a long ride tomorrow, 6 hours round trip and am loathing the idea, even knowing it's something I have to do.  I'll be in pain, and I'll be miserable.  My body isn't up to that trip but there isn't a thing I can do about it.  And now.... I get the added benefit of being ridiculously tired because T decided that unloading a plethora of negative statements and whining was a goal tonight.

As an aside, I got the new bed today.  I'm not sure it's going to be comfortable, though the manufacturer said it was the same firmness/softness as the bed that's already here in the master bedroom.  Chronic pain means even the most comfortable of beds feel like a torture device when it touches your muscles, joints, skin.  I may be a while on that recliner if this is the case, but I am incredibly grateful for that recliner, I admit.

Just checked the upload to youtube for that audio file and it's very, VERY slooooooooooow.  Just a shame it had to be tonight that I figured out an alternative way to getting those files uploaded, ad iMovie has decided to be a total butt and give errors uploading the usual way.

Well, I'm amazed at how much I can type now.  The shoulder still has crappy range of motion, but at least this part isn't as painful as it was.  And no worries, those of you who prefer the audio entries... I will still make those for the most part.

Now, while I'm able, I think I will attempt to do entries for my other blogs... specific to those blogs.  We will see, right?

Okay, so I'm outta here for the night.  Sleep tight... sweet dreams....

About me. Sort of. Part II.

Yeah, well.  Like, BOO... an' junk.

What?

Those Few Stolen Moments.

I will have more time soon.  So many appointments that it's been nearly impossible to find time to do anything.....

Today. And why not?

Email from a friend....

Thoughts, Scattered.

A bit of rambling, I suppose, but necessary ramblings at any rate.  It's healing.