Seriously?

Discussing depression is depressing.  Still, it has to be addressed, faced head on, and conquered eventually.  I'm so freaking depressed that looking up ways to help yourself with depression is, well, also depressing, leaving me to give up quickly due to lack of interest.

Seriously?

I think this is the first time I've ever been completely frustrated with my state of mind.  Under normal circumstances I can look whatever I'm dealing with in the eyes and stare it down into submission.  This time, not so much.  Maybe I've just let it go for too long.

I'm completely at a loss as to how to deal with this now.

Dammit.

Funny how that works.

Weirdness with one of my Twitter accounts, and I've made another backup.  Just in case.  Overall, it's been a weird weekend, a weird Christmas, and... I guess that's just life.  I spent most of my free time on my Twitter alter accounts and just perused the weirdness outside my own life.  Did it help?  Not sure.  But it is fun.

Going off the diet taught me that a) I shouldn't have, and b) I should try low carb again.  Both are true, I promise.  So I'm heading back to the Atkins program (likely tomorrow) and seeing how it goes this time around.  I'm still in awful pain from "eating normally" since Christmas Eve and over the weekend.  BAD move on my part, and I suspect the culprits are sugar and too much wheat.  Honestly, it could be a combination of a lot of things, but it's awful and painful.

Still trying to survive the onslaught.

Oh well.

Such is life on planet earth.  tomorrow is another day.

Better late than never. Right? Right.

So, this one should've been posted a few days back or so.  Chaos... what can I say?

OMG WTF?

I don't like my dreams.  Sleeping has become a royal pain that I no longer look forward to or enjoy.  Stress, anxiety, worry, all of that seems into the very core of my being these days and blocks and distracts from anything even remotely normal.  Sleep deprivation isn't something I recommend.  Strange this is, even when I sleep... there's no respite from the bullshit.

Curiosity of the life 'outside' remains and ever-constant whisper to my soul.  I'm like the clear, still figure in a motion-blurred photograph.  Life happens around me, yet I'm really not much of a part of it these days.  Reaching for better, for more, for vibrance, for LIFE leaves much to be desired.  I SEE life happening but can't find my way to step out into the momentum and engage.  It's a damn mystery, I tell ya.  My only solace as I look for my way through this maze of confusing nothingness is the occasional spark of my sense of humor.

When the shift happens.

Your whole world opens up...

The American Dreamer by Jacob Seales of Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN)

Written specifically for Donald J. Trump, now our President Elect. :)

Sigmund C. Monster and Me.

As I wait for an audio entry to upload I sit here in mostly silence and wonder about today, tomorrow, and riddled with static from the past... I'm still struggling to make sense of it all.  In some ways, at least today, I'll give myself a pass on not being able to figure out the meaning of life and the universe and will, instead, have a hot cup of Jr. Mint cocoa.  Oh, but I highly recommend hot cocoa on a cold Winter's day in the midst of turmoil and chaos.  Okay, okay... so there's no real turmoil, but.. it sounded like a good excuse to have cocoa.  ;)

Where I am today is a place of waiting, and waiting on Sigmund C. Monster (2017 MINI Cooper S) to be built and transported to the USA.  I custom-ordered him, and the build/options/colors etc are like the image above, and I'm absolutely in love with this little guy.  He's my first convertible, but NOT my first MINI.  And... I'll just have to get used to wearing a hat or scarf or something to keep ME from looking like a sea monster after having hurricane force winds whipping my hair about. lol

Sigmund is in production and due to be completed early January, 2017.  Hey, perfection takes time!

Yeah, I can actually get happy and excited about the arrival of my little Monster.  And yes, what a weird time of year to think about owning a convertible.  Well, it DOES come with a top, and I'm a total wuss in the cold weather, so there's that.  But luckily I'm in the south where we have more warm/hot weather than cold.

The color is called "Caribbean Aqua," and yes.. I did order black bonnet stripes on mine.  I did NOT, however, add the chrome option, and... the side mirrors match the body color 2/3 of the way with black on the lower portion of those mirrors.  But other than that, this pic is what he will look like, right down to the rims.

"OMG!  WHITE INTERIOR!!  Are you NUTS?"  lol  Hey, you only live once, so why not go with what you really like if you can?  The best part about this is that I will be able to drive again, and that's a HUGE life-changer for me.  Having to sell my other MINI because it's a manual (which my left knee and shoulder can no longer handle) meant no driving SAFELY or without massive pain.  It's all good, though, because Sigmund C. Monster and I have plans.  And everybody needs plans.

I've done well today, and it took a mind-set refresh and a great deal of resolve to NOT allow any weirdness wreck me or my mood.  I have this to look forward to, and I am going to start planning my first road trip in my little Monster, because Sigmund and me... well, we have places to go and things to see and life to experience.

It's about time.

PS.... just a warning... the audio I'm posting shortly isn't going to be as optimistic-sounding as this entry. ;p